remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
