why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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