his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
