I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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