i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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