using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize