I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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