I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
