69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
