cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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