i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize