Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
