what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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