:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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