So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
whose parrot is this?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
