I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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