I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
