yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
