Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
