He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
