I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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