I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
