woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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