I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
