Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
