I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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