hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
