On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This baby is an asshole
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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