I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
