Umm I'm too high to move.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
