Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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