where am i from again
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
