so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
