Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
