I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
