So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize