This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
