i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
