Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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