There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
