I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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