she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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