Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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