ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
