I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When are your genitals available?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
