I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
