Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
