i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
