hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
