Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
