I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so let's talk penis.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
