You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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