atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
