maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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