Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize