Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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