Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize