oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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