dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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