from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
