Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize