Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
