your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
