you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize