i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
