census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
