Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
