don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
