I think I am morally bankrupt
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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