around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
