I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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