Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
