So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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